Monday, July 13, 2009

Can't Shake This Feeling

After last week's horrible experience with the increased Metformin and beginning to take Zoloft, I backed off the Zoloft. I started it back up on Friday so I haven't seen any difference yet. I wish I'd had it in my system because today has been rough. Today is my daddy's birthday. This has left me feeling very blah and just kinda doing what I have to do to get through the day. I just wish he was here. He was only 44 when he passed. 44! I dread the year that I turn 45, that will mean I lived longer than he. See, this is why I wish I had the anti-depressant in my system. Perhaps I wouldn't think such thoughts. I woke up in the middle of the night and whispered happy birthday into the dark. This morning when I got to work, I logged in to the computer, and as I was waiting, the bulletin board on my desk that was leaning against the wall, just fell forward on it's own. It's never done that in the months it has sat like that. I took it as a sign that he was around me today. He's been gone almost half my life and I miss him terribly. One good thing about all these emotions lately is that I have been making an effort to take better care of myself. I was fortunate to have my daddy until I was 15. I have memories of our time together. I want to make sure my children have memories of their mother.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Holy Heart!

Today was Isabelle's 6 month cardiology appointment. So, we drove to Medical City and patiently waited. They had redone the office and even the office staff was much more pleasant than I remembered. The nurse took her stats: weight 17lbs. 8 oz, 26 inches long, blood pressure, pulse, etc. She got her all set up for her EKG, all of which Isabelle quietly and inquisitively enjoyed. She was such a good girl. Next, the doctor came in and listened to her heart, and listened....and heart is beating out of my this good news? or bad? Then she looked up and said that she didn't hear the heart murmur anymore. We went off to the echocardiogram room for a further look. She searched and did a very thorough exam. It was amazing to see her tiny heart beating and knowing what we were looking for and not seeing it! Her VSD is completely closed. This is such a relief. The next hurdle is her eyes. The pediatrician has recommended we see a pediatric opthalmalogist. His diagnosis is esotropia, but the opthalmalogist will be the one to actually determine this. So, in August we go to have her eyes fully examined and determine the course of action to correct it. Her eyes have shown a lot of improvement, but we want to avoid any vision problem/learning problems that may arise from this. So, we'll be pretty aggressive in trying to prevent any issues further down the road. All the literature I've been reading says that the earlier the treatment or sugrgery, the better the results usually are. My sweet baby girl. She's gone through so much and yet she's such a happy baby.

Adam has changed so much. He surprised me the other night. We were doing flashcards and the number eight popped up. I thought he wouldn't know it, but he shouted out "8!" He knew animals that I didn't even know he knew. Most four legged animals besides dogs and cats were called cows. Now he is telling the difference when it's a bear or hippo. I was surprised. Potty training is still an ongoing process, but he's getting it. Everytime we get into a routine, we interrupt it with a trip or something changed in his routine.

Daniel and I crossed over into the world of iPhones. I went from my Blackberry (which I LOVED!) to the 3G. WHICH I LOVE SO MUCH MORE!!!!!!!! I wish I could easily send pictures to people, but it's a minor tradeoff for the many other things I can do.

I had my yearly physical last week and it was quite an eye opener. She simply asked how I'd been doing and I broke down crying. She seemed surprised and asked how long this had been going on. Between two babies, chaotic work, busy home, and the constant worrying I inflict on myself.....I had no idea when I'd begun to feel like this or that it had crept up on me. Sure, I'd have days when I just felt blah or feeling like my world was crumbling, but doesn't everyone at one time or another? She diagnosed postpartum depression and prescribed me Zoloft to help me with my anxiety and depression. She also increased my diabetes medication because I haven't been taken very good care of myself. Well, we left for Houston that same day. I took my new meds and they made me sick, so I chose to skip them while on the trip (except I took the diabetes medicine I had been taking). So, on Sunday and Monday I went back to taking the new ones. I woke up Tuesday and felt AWFUL!!!! I stayed home from work. I couldn't focus on anything, the room was spinning, I was throwing up, and dry mouth. UGH!!!! I'd rather be mildly depressed than deal with that. So, now I'm trying one at a time, I'll take my diabetes pill for a few days, then I'll introduce the Zoloft once I've adjusted to that. I've never had such side effects with anything.

Other than that, everything is all good on this home front!