Monday, July 13, 2009

Can't Shake This Feeling

After last week's horrible experience with the increased Metformin and beginning to take Zoloft, I backed off the Zoloft. I started it back up on Friday so I haven't seen any difference yet. I wish I'd had it in my system because today has been rough. Today is my daddy's birthday. This has left me feeling very blah and just kinda doing what I have to do to get through the day. I just wish he was here. He was only 44 when he passed. 44! I dread the year that I turn 45, that will mean I lived longer than he. See, this is why I wish I had the anti-depressant in my system. Perhaps I wouldn't think such thoughts. I woke up in the middle of the night and whispered happy birthday into the dark. This morning when I got to work, I logged in to the computer, and as I was waiting, the bulletin board on my desk that was leaning against the wall, just fell forward on it's own. It's never done that in the months it has sat like that. I took it as a sign that he was around me today. He's been gone almost half my life and I miss him terribly. One good thing about all these emotions lately is that I have been making an effort to take better care of myself. I was fortunate to have my daddy until I was 15. I have memories of our time together. I want to make sure my children have memories of their mother.

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